Tuesday, February 23, 2021
The Difference in Communication Between Men and Women
Simply let your “Yes” be “Yes,” and your “No,” “No”; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. Matthew 5:37
I was almost asleep when my wife exclaimed, “It’s obvious that a male wrote this book,” as she closed the book, one a publisher had asked us to evaluate. My wife, Darlene, is pretty low-key and cuts an author quite a bit of slack for individuality. “Why do you say that?” I asked. “Well,” she explained, “what he says is good, but it’s factual, and cut and dried. There’s no emotion or feeling in what he writes.” And with those observations she clearly defined one of the big differences between men and women.
Darlene is an author in her own right. She writes for women—and good stuff, too! I often say that she writes “gourmet style,” agonizing over paragraphs, often in the middle of the night, while I tend to write more “fast food style.” Every Wednesday I write the five commentaries you hear on Guidelines.
Her comments emphasized the point that men go straight to the bottom line while women enjoy the journey that takes them there, through the emotions and feelings—the “he said, and then I said” details that are important to women but not necessarily germane to the final outcome.
Men stress facts and decisions, but women are equally as interested in the development of the plot, the blow by blow, word for word description of the encounter that leads to the bottom line, and that is one of the reasons why men think they have communicated with a woman who shrugs her shoulders and says, “No you haven’t!” “But I told you want happened,” he says. But she honestly doesn’t think so. The “he said; she said” dialogue that you think is redundant, Mister, is what leads to intimacy in a relationship, instead of the “slam-bam-thank-you-Ma’am” style that you use with the janitor or taxi driver.
Today there is a growing data base of scientific information that explains why all of this is true. This includes how DNA is different, how brains process information differently; and how male and female brains are even physically different. Yet vast numbers of men, and not necessarily just those in their 20s who are striving to understand the women in their lives, couldn’t care less about the developmental structure of our brains. They just know that men and women use the same language but don’t communicate the same way.
What’s the solution to all of this? Consider the following suggestions that I will give without much elaboration.
For both men and women—set the stage for communication. It never works when you are under stress, when you are extremely busy, and when one or both of you are physically exhausted. That’s when you hurl angry words at each other which become missiles of your discontent rather than your attempts to bridge the differences between you.
For men—realize that your wife can live without the new car, the latest fashions, and the trip to your favorite resort destination. She can live without all kinds of things, but if your marriage is to be healthy, you have to communicate. Understand it means something different to each of you, and realize that you can effectively communicate. Excuses aren’t satisfactory, and the longer you take to learn how to do it, the more damage is going to be done to your relationship.
For women—when you say, “My husband just doesn’t get it!” you are right, but there are reasons for it. He’s not difficult or obstinate or dense. He doesn’t pick up on the non-verbal signals, the importance of registering your sighs on the discontent meter or what your raised eyebrows are trying to say. That means you’ve got to tell him in such a way that he does understand.
Charles Dickens, a man whose own marriage was miserable, advised, “Never close your lips to him to whom you have opened your heart.” Good advice in every generation.
Scripture reading: Proverbs 17:1-9
https://www.guidelines.org/devotional/the-difference-in-communication-between-men-and-women/
No to splitting Palawan into three provinces; strengthen LGUs instead
On March 13, a plebiscite will be held in Palawan to decide whether it will be split into three provinces: Palawan del Norte (Northern Palawan), Palawan Oriental (Central Palawan), and Palawan del Sur (Southern Palawan).
Republic Act No. 11259 was signed into law by President Duterte on April 5, 2019 to provide for the holding of such plebiscite.
According to local activists and NGOs supporting the Save Palawan Movement (SPM), the division of Palawan would not only open the island’s extensive natural resources to potential mismanagement, but would also allow extractive and destructive industries, such as large-scale mining and plantations, to take root and destroy even further the island’s rich ecosystem.
Palawan, also known as the Philippines’ “last frontier,” is well known for having some of the richest biodiversity in Southeast Asia. For this reason, the entire island was declared by Unesco as a “Man and Biosphere Reserve.” The island is home to some of the oldest trees in the southern hemisphere, more than 200 endemic species and more than 100 endangered species, according to the IUCN Red List. Palawan is also home to the indigenous Tagbanua, Pala’wan, and Batak peoples. In fact, the island is sometimes referred to as “the cradle of Philippine civilization” as evidenced by significant archaeological discoveries made there.
Jose Alvarez, the governor of Palawan, known for his aggressive approach toward intensive use of natural resources, claims that dividing Palawan into three provinces would speed up the delivery of basic services to residents and further boost the provincial economy.
But SPM and other NGOs such as the Coalition Against Land Grabbing firmly believe that the planned division of Palawan is totally an unnecessary measure and a major step back from the real development needs of the province and its communities. The NGOs in Palawan have no doubt that RA 11259 is the product of a strong political lobby staged by the provincial government and its allies in Congress and the executive branch. SPM believes that the measure contradicts many important provisions of the Constitution pertaining to public participation and consultations, the empowerment of local government units for good governance, and the principle of sharing of proceeds from the national wealth. The planned division is not a development agenda as its proponents want the public to believe, but is instead a direct attempt at gerrymandering.
SPM and those opposing the splitting of Palawan believe that this:
1) is not the appropriate answer to the existing issues of weak governance, corruption, and natural resource use in the province, and that this is mainly motivated by partisan political concerns;
2) will only aggravate the threats and challenges already facing the environment and further expose the vulnerability of poor communities to the harsh impacts of environmental destruction and climate change;
3) will entail huge costs in creating three provinces as well as holding a plebiscite. At the end of the day, taxpayers would be the primary bearers of such costs.
Palaweños never asked for their province to be split. Rather than division, SPM and supporting NGOs are asking the government to focus instead on empowering the local government to strongly implement wildlife laws, the Indigenous Peoples Rights Act (RA 8371) for indigenous peoples’ ancestral land recognition and demarcation, and a sustainable management of natural resources. Rather than splitting the province into three, the local government should be strengthened down to the municipal and barangay levels.
Coalition Against Land Grabbing (Philippines)
calgpalawan@gmail.com